So I am experiencing something for the first time this week. A friend is moving away from me. This is such a foriegn feeling. In my life, I have always been the one to leave, the one waving from the car window, headed to my next destination. Being on this end is very different and honestly, I am not sure I care for it much. When I moved to Chicago and started working at The Job, I met a great chic and in the short 9 months we have known each other…well let’s just say she makes me laugh and I will miss her terribly (I don’t want to go any deeper, as I will get sad and I want this post to be thought provoking, not mush).
In all of the years, I have been the one saying “I’ll keep in touch!” (with complete intentions to do so) however, I have always focused on the new adventure in front on me. I do not believe in wallowing or focusing on the past, it is what it is, the past. I have always been someone who looks to the future, and hopefully my friends from all over the world will still be a part of it. But now that a good friend is waving goodbye to me from the car window (and giving the City the middle finger ;), it makes me understand the sadness that I now vaguely remember seeing on the faces of so many friends that I have left over the years. Not that I am devoid of feelings, of course I have missed my friends and acknowledged their sadness at my departure. But let’s be honest, I have been too focused on the new chapter in my life, the unwritten pages unfolding in front of me, to spend adequate time on the sadness my friends felt. And for this apologize. My friends are very dear to me, I think of them fondly and miss them often. But I am living my new adventure and I know they are continuing with theirs.
So, no, being on this side of goodbye does not feel very well. And it has definitely opened my eyes and my heart to the frowns, tears, and loss I have caused along the way. But you know what? My previous experience allows me to be able to say this and truly mean it: I wish my friend all of the happiness in the world. As she leaves her Chicago friends behind, I don’t want her to focus on the sadness on their faces, but instead on the new chapter and unwritten pages in her life.